I just needed to Breathe

T




Today I had some challenging moments as a mother. Lottie has not been feeling well for a few days. She had a fever Friday and Sat with a runny nose and hardly any appetite. Sunday the fever was gone, but still a yucky nose and no appetite. I know that this is nothing to be alarmed about, but today she was just inconsolable!
She would throw herself on the ground and scream. I knew she was not feeling well and wondered if her throat was hurting since her little voice was really hoarse and she had a cough this morning. I tried giving her many things, singing, playing, offering different drinks and snacks. I finally just left her on the ground to work it out for a few mins (all the while she is still MADLY pulling out fist fulls of hair) and went to the other room to breathe!! This honestly was the first time I had encountered a heavy feeling of inadequacy as a mother. What can I do??? Am I really going to be able to help her figure out her feelings and work through them? I know there must be more ahead of me, but as for today I was nearly in tears not knowing what to do! a little later I remembered this wonderful video I saw last week.
Read whole talk here.

Happy

Since the start of the year my blogging has been mostly pictures and very few words. Today I would like to share just a bit from the inside:
There are many thoughts in my head and some spoken aloud to Lottie during the day and at night with Gio. Occasionally on the phone with a friend or written in a letter, but most of the time I am alone with my thoughts. Lately I can't help but to think about the many blessings of simple everyday life.
There are many around me (near and far) dealing with loss, sorrow, and health issues so many little stumbling blocks in the way of "happiness". Life is not always easy, if it were would we really feel satisfaction and joy with out the struggle? I think NOT.

This is not to say that it is good to always have terrible things happen- but when they don't are we HAPPY? are we THANKFUL for what we do have?
I for one I am happy for my Health- I feel good. My family is healthy and this makes me HAPPY! I am Loved and I Love others too- this makes me HAPPY and GRATEFUL! My Basic needs are filled, as well as many of my WANTS- this makes me GRATEFUL! There is beauty around for me to enjoy! JOY!
Don't know if it is the newness of LIFE in the air that Spring brings- but I know that I need to acknowledge the goodness that makes me smile!

homesick??

There are times when I am talking about home that people have to stop and ask me where home is exactly. I don't blame them since I refer to both living in Milan as well as the house my parents live in as HOME. However when I leave Milan I don't often miss it. Please don't misunderstand me, I of course miss Govanni and wish that he were sharing in all the same experiences as Lottie and myself, however it is only when I leave Utah that the aching, meloncholy feelings set in. Maybe it is because in Utah there is never a shortage of people to visit with (inculding many Family members) and it seems that there is always something going on. In Milan our life is also full of parties to attend and great friends to hang out with, but I find myself having to invent things during the day to stay motivated... aside from the daily tasks of washing dishes, clothes, ironing , cleaning, cooking, ect...I don't know!
What ever it is I hope the feeling goes away soon! It always is so hard on poor Giovanni, I love him so very much and am Grateful that he understands how important going "home" is for me!